September 1, 2008
amalgam
you’d like to think it’s the coffee; it isn’t. not the extreme jitteriness and extra-conciousness, at least.
you’d like to smile like you mean it; you don’t.
5am? that’s a new
high.
July 27, 2008
the washout
just as you thought it couldn’t – and wouldn’t – get worse, it does.
well I wasn’t present, and the venue was certainly different – but how big a difference can it make? this is absolutely inexplicable (unless you believe that money makes the world go round). and some random deluded soul says something along the lines of “told you the earlier one held a while ago had rubbish results. this one’s so much more accurate and I was proven correct. this has more people from various places and hence it’s more fair.”
firstly – fuck you. so the previous one disagreed with your opinion and the current one doesn’t, and hence that completely justifies the first one being wrong and it’s vindication for you immediately.
and secondly – go take a proper course in statistics.
oh how the mighty have fallen.
June 23, 2008
may week
it isn’t in may, but it sure is a whole lot of fun. as she said I probably experienced all the fun there is to have in one year at cambridge in the short span of a week. certainly paints a depressing picture, but I’m sure it can’t be all that bad. it really, really is a wonderful place and it was just one of the best
(I shall rant here – whenever this phrase appears I believe the author is just succumbing to escapism. if you have to rank something, well then, rank it, and if it’s so good/so bad just state it. THE BEST and THE WORST come a lot closer to describing anything at all than ONE OF THE BEST and ONE OF THE WORST. but yes I know it’s tempting at times to live like you don’t really recall details of your past and hence claim inability to compare events across your life)
the best experience (probably) of my life as yet. simply astounding.
I realize it’s a mere 2 months plus before I begin life as a student once again. officially, that is - already I’m scrambling to recall all the numbers/facts/figures/laws/rules/formulae required to actually pass the placement/accreditation tests which greet me on the SECOND day of orientation. but technically speaking these are the same tests that give you a quarter of the required credits for graduation before you even begin your lessons so who’s to complain?
(sometime ago I think I crossed this line and its ramifications should be interesting. this absolute certainty, this unwavering determination – no, not just determination, it’s like I don’t even have to try - that that’s how it’ll be 1, 3, 5, 10 years from now. together and living out our intricately-designed and orchestrated lives, lives that were planned from the mere age of 17 going on 18. because any other outcome would just be unimaginable. catastrophic – and definitely not possible. but life has its laws and ways of surprising you, so just in case you’ve always got to be on your guard.
just in case.)
we’re past the point of no return.
April 16, 2008
tempus
if time stopped, it’d probably feel like this. I’m stuck between phases of my life that I was supposed to transcend seamlessly. it’s quite amusing how much difference a disruption of two years makes to your life. I’m not referring to time wasted or anything along those lines (I’m sure we’ve all heard our fair share of that), but rather the things that you do during this interruption – it’s like you’ve suddenly been derailed from your track in life and it almost feels like
time has stopped.
you suddenly have too much free time, you exercise so much more often, you go out much more frequently, you try short job stints – even thinking about trying exotic jobs counts – and when you have to fill in a form that contains the entry “Occupation:”, you look frenetically through the list of options and realize that none of them are suitable. unemployed would probably fit the bill, but that’s the only perfect match no one will ever admit.
sometimes you feel bored. very bored.
you think to the future, and suddenly you realize once this horribly draggy hiatus ends it’s a flurry of activity all over again. bookspapersexams till graduation, and thereafter work (which you already have had a rather comprehensive preview of). and you think – wow, is that all there is to it?
and it’s times like these that you give thanks for the fact that there’s someone you can share it all with.
April 3, 2008
hide/seek
there’s this irony about blogging (completely irrelevantly, am I the only one who feels that what used to be a fad is now fading away fast?). it’s not the first time I’m mentioning this, but most of the typical blogs you know around (i.e. not those on the “featured” list for wordpress, those are seriously deranged), especially those written by friends around your age (and hence, I’m assuming here, my age haha), simply give a detailed account of every single passing day – with the occasional rant and sometimes an unbelivably short post that just screams “something happened, I’m really affected, but from these few lines you’re not going to be able to tell anything”. you might notice the irony there, but no that’s not the irony I’m referring to.
after I hopped over to wordpress the stat tracking system has done wonders. hits, page views, site referrals, links on site visited, etc. etc. and I noticed the things I choose to divulge here are attracting loads of random strangers. like LOADS. people search for terms like “taboo cards” and end up reading the entry on darryl and marlom cards. those who search for concerts like the RNO at the sun festival end up partaking of my eager anticipation. they search for song lyrics and end up at whichever song they searched for, assuming I posted the lyrics here (and there’s usually the corresponding music video to go with that – how convenient is my blog?) you get the idea. I disclose such irrelevant things, and yet open myself to strangers. others spill every single tiny detail and should anyone end up at their blog through google, it’s probably because that person’s a close friend who searched for very specific terms.
and for months I’ve been getting visitors who search for “Lake Mary, Florida”. I’ve always ignored it, thinking it some obscure misdirection, but then I succumbed to curiosity and just had to search for it on my blog – and bingo.
talk about a way to attract the most random of random strangers.
